'Tis the season to be thankful you don't live at home anymore.
The More Successful Cousin
Yeah, you remember Cousin Tad. He went to Harvard and is now in some grad program to become a lawyer. He greets you with a firm handshake that reassures you that you're not doing nearly as well as him. And your mom keeps mentioning that if you ever need any connections out in Seattle, you should really contact Tad. Because Tad is better than you.
The Grandma With Dementia
You're not sure if she knows it's Thanksgiving because she brought you a "Happy Birthday" card with a check for ten dollars. And it makes you very sad. But she breaks up awkward family tension by humming "Hello, Ma Baby" by Tin Pan Alley and saying something about J.F.K. being a good president. Wait, no that makes everything worse.
The Younger Sibling Home From College
Ah, your younger sibling who is in their freshman year of college. When you try to catch up, they can only relay their story about Ben's awesome kegger where they like, totally did a keg stand for 40 seconds and almost banged this hot senior but then puked all over themselves. And then you turn off your brain for the rest of the story.
The Sibling's Girlfriend/Boyfriend From College
They stand awkwardly by your younger sibling pretending to care about what your family is talking about. Which is, of course, grandma's descent into insanity. But they keep on smiling even though they are clearly uncomfortable. Your mom says he/she are really helpful because they are the only one who is setting the table even though YOU should be doing it, and that also makes them uncomfortable. And now everyone feels weird.