Dear God.
Introducing Andrew Mendoza.
Andrew was arrested in Texas for having sex with a horse. That's bad and all, but this account is far more horrifying.
Here's what he told the Wharton County Sheriff's Office:
"I was trying to make the horse have a baby. I was thinking it would have a horseman baby. I ain't going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse. I then got off the bucket and put my clothes back on and left. I promise that I have not been back over to the horse since that time."
In case you missed it...